Sleep has seemed far from me the last few nights.
Like sand slipping thru my fingers impossible to hold on to.
Huddled under a blanket I henpecked on my iPhone.
My brain refusing to slow down enough to allow sleep to come.
Days away from the start of a new school year and I feel disconnected.
I fell like I am not prepared.
Torn between excitement for the new and disappointment in what will be left behind and nether side is winning the internal battle brewing in my head.
So instead I laid in the dark.
Exhausted. My eyes staring at the inky blackness refusing to settle.
Light snores fill the room beside me and I snuggle down a little deeper pulling the blankets up over my head.
My eyes felt like they were being proper open by toothpicks.
The wheels in my brain keep turning.
Summer is fading and fall will be here much too soon.
And everything around me is feeling hurried and rushed like we are late for an appointment I forgot that I had made.
I shudder to think what the youngest will think when she realizes she won’t be going to school this year.
One more year and then my baby, my last will have her turn at school.
One more year.
It’s different when it’s your last child.
When you pack stuff away and give stuff away it’s for good.
The bottles morph into sippy cups and while a part of you rejoices a part mourns at what will never be again.
The last time you change a diaper and put them into a pair of underwear.
Sirens scream disrupting the silence while my family sleeps.
The whirl of the fan failing to block out the intrusion.
I wish I could just figure out how to block out the noise.
And find the rest and renewal I need…
Sleep finally did come but only after I tossed and turned for what felt like hours.
I wake as exhausted as I was when I crawled into bed.
The children awaken earlier than my morning cup of coffee could handle.
But I don’t feel like I am struggling as much this morning as I was last night.
If that’s even the best way to describe the thoughts and feelings running in circles in my brain.
The laughter of the children playing down the hall soothes me and reminds me to enjoy the hear and now.
God’s mercies are new every day.
Toys chatter in the background.
Abigail is busy singing (she is always singing) and Noah is already discussing what infinity characters he is “needing”. sigh
Almost time for another coffee…
I am gently reminded in my devotion this morning that like Abraham, He didn’t know where he was going or how to find the land promised him, but he took every forward footstep with the assurance that God could and would unerringly guide him.
I can do the same and through faith obtain the promises he has set aside for me.
Only He knows what the next few days will bring in the midst of new challenges and new opportunities.
I need to be present in each moment that I am given regardless of how I feel. Sometimes we are lucky enough to catch a “moment” and be able to share it with those closest to us.
God used my youngest this morning to bring a touch of comic relief.
They say that Laugher is better for the soul.
Sorry the quality isn’t up to hollywood standards but it was just too cute not to share!